Healed Girls Rock

Do You Want to be Made Whole?

I Surrender All ~ Or Do I?

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Friday, April 1, 2016 my church had it’s first, of what I hope to be many, Soaking Prayer service. I was on vacation for spring break.  Initially, I wasn’t sure if I would attend or just wait until I arrived in church Sunday to hear from others how the service had gone on Friday. But, I’m nosey, so I went. Really, I would like to blame it on being nosey, but it was a divine appointment. I have been in teaching and preaching ministry for almost 17 years and had an active part in an intercessory ministry in my previous church, so public/private prayer is not anything foreign to me.  So, I go to prayer. As I entered, I felt led to read scripture and journal before I entered into a posture of prayer and the Lord led me to:
Matthew 11:28-30 The Voice Translation
28 Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Put My yoke upon your shoulders—it might appear heavy at first, but it is perfectly fitted to your curves. Learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. When you are yoked to Me, your weary souls will find rest. 30 For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.
I began to journal. As I’m writing, tears began to fall and I’m not really sure why. But the more I write, the more tears fell. I realized that I’m now having some kind of episodic encounter with the Lord and my spirit woman is responding but my flesh is resisting and questioning all of what’s going on instead of just allowing it and leaning into it. I tell myself, “Get yourself together, This is not the space to have one of your melt downs!”
And, I hear the Lord ask, “Why won’t you give me those tears?” “Why don’t you trust me to dry ‘your’ tears?” “Why do you insist on holding on to the pain associated with those tears?” “Why is your concern about space, time and other people?” “I’m holding them, just like I’m holding you”.
Well, this almost blew me away; because it really caused me to look at how at the surface – I trust God. But deep down, am I really trusting Him to give me beauty for my ashes? Am I trusting Him to be the heavy load bearer? Am I trusting Him to give me rest for my weariness?  In this scripture, the Lord has given me a personal invitation to “Come, to learn and be yoked to Him”. I’m in a quandary; because, why have I allowed my lack of trust in people to now be transferred into my relationship with God? Oh yeah, at some level, I know that I trust God. But, I have to be honest and just admit that I am learning to trust God in all things, because in this present moment – I trust God in most things. My prayer is that as I continue on this healing journey that I will grow to the point that I can truly say that “I Surrender All” and actually mean it!!! Take good care of you…

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Author: healedgirlsrock

Clergy, Social Justice Advocate, Servant, Educator, Facilitator, Counselor in Richmond, VA

2 thoughts on “I Surrender All ~ Or Do I?

  1. Thank you for filling my heart, mind and soul with happiness. I sometimes try to resolve my problems alone, not truly allowing God to be in charge. I pray that I continue to grow and trust God with all of me. Work in progress. I certainly miss your beautiful spirit.

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